I feel average.

Despite the fact that I am or not, I feel average. It’s all relative I know. My mom said that “If you’re the smartest person in your group of friends, it’s time you need new friends.” I take this advice so I’m never the smartest person around.

I saw dad recently, and he mentioned how proud he is of me, for all the things I’ve achieved, how independent I’ve become because I was the kid who was always playing catch-up.

As an immigrant, I am always playing catch-up. I played catch up to be average, in order to fit in. Whether it’s English, school, or TV shows, music or books, I am always behind, especially with books. My knowledge is mostly based on all the catching up I did over the years. It’s very limited compared to an “average” person.

Due to my limited knowledge, I am always so enthusiastic, surprise with a sense of wonderment when I discover new things. I am like a kid who has been locked up from the rest of the world and finally discover it, with ADD. But things that I am excited about tend to be really really simple, almost average. These things are not Earth shattering or world changing, just simple, brilliant ideas in my mind. My sense of awe isn’t something that purely stems from curiosity or a love of learning, but simply that I’ve never seen it before.

Yesterday, I discovered a tiny little book, tucked in between a hardcover boxcar book, and something else. Ah, The Phantom Tollbooth, another great book that I discovered a year ago. So thin and little was this book that I didn’t even know of its existence until now. It’s Ed Emberley’s Little Drawing Book of Trains, published in 1973 with an inscription “From Mom, 2/14/79. Happy Valentine’s Day,” and dallendoug’s 6-year-old handwriting of his own name. I instantly fell in love with it. Sprawl on the carpet, I looked through it. Then, got my pens and pencils, learned how to draw a train.

By the end of the day, I drew 5 trains, in between various work. I can’t believe I’ve lived for so long and never knew how to draw a train. I can’t believe these books exist, and this particular one is older than myself!! See, I was so behind!

I am so proud of myself that I have to share my best train with y’all. I believe I would be a better artist now if I’ve had these books when I was little.

I believe this knowledge officially earned me an average person status. Yes, I decided.

ps. This book is out of print. However, there’s Ed Emberley’s Drawing Book of Trucks and Trains. I am going to collect all the other ones. I especially want to learn how to draw weirdos